(On Hiatus Like The Cosby Mysteries)

So I think me and WordPress are done for a while, guyz. I might resurrect it or go back here, in a few months, but for now I am giving blogging a rest for various reasons.

”Why? I cannot say. Where? You mustn’t know. How? Eh, haven’t decided yet.”

But don’t worry! I can still be found on flickr, on tumblr, on twitter, on Donner, on Blitzen etc. Basically, I’m steadily making my way through all the social networking sites of the earth. Huzzah!

Look at my tumblr! Wow!

I’ve deleted my first blog (itslikeyeahmotherfucker.blogspot.com), so if you still have that link on your blog, please please update to this one, it would be great I might even cry.

My Favourite Entries or ‘When I Wasn’t Shit‘

My favourite blog entries, in no particular order. I was going to do this with articles but the thought of dredging them all up made me drowsy.

The Hipster Guide To Writing A Blog

Best Of Da Chat Log Years 1, 2, 3 and 4

Why NME is shit

Why the movie ‘Glitter’ is shit

Why Hollywood Records is shit

I played WoW 1, 2 and 3

Social Life? CBF TBH (Lets Watch Movies!)

Skins S3 broke my heart :c

My brush with the Jonas Brothers; Fame

Top ten ways to pass time at work

How to break up with your best friend

Laugh at my horrible taste in music; Part 2; (Readers try to justify their own horrible tastes in music)

TV Shows of yesteryear and why we should all file a class action against Aaron Spelling’s next of kin.

Eurovision ’09

Can I get SRS for a minute?

Thank you so much to everyone who wrote to me, left me comments, sent me mp3s, put my name up for blog awards (?!), linked me, read what I wrote and let me read your blogs. U guyz rule. If an awkward, misanthropic nerd can be liked on the internet, well, its proof that dreams really do come true.

If you want to read a blog that isn’t shit click on any of the links below in the links section omg what will you find!

Less Bright Eyes, More Deicide , Jamie Taete, I Don’t Care If You Wouldn’t, I Would, The Martorialist, The Imaginary Reviewer, Dirty Dirty Laundry, Trashforce Reaper, Comme Des Fuckdown, Luxirare!

Esp the aforementioned bloggers, raising my proverbial crunk goblet in your honour.

In a while, crocodile.

<3 <3 <3

(Plz watch this video plz okay thnx. Amazing.)

On Kanye’s recent gaff;

Amy oh gosh. says: i want someone to edit the footage of kanye at the vmas so that its in slow motion and ‘the world’s greatest’ is the backing track

Amy oh gosh. says: want someone to make this happen

On Glastonbury Tickets;

Ash /|\ says: if I dont have one by then, I am going to phone up and go mental

Ash /|\ says: not even speak coherently on the phone, just a load of shouted phrases and words which dont make sense

Amy oh gosh.  says: XD

Amy oh gosh. says: say you were ian curtis’ secret love child

Amy oh gosh. says: and if they don’t approve you, you and glastonbury, you’re fucking done, professionally

Ash /|\ says: glastonbury is a good festival, a good festival, but it doesn’t cut it when it bullshits around like this

On Marie Antoinette;

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf i loved marie antoinette

Ash /|\ says: I haven’t even seen it.

Amy oh gosh. says: no guy i know likes it

Amy oh gosh. says: you would hate it

Amy oh gosh. says: it would probably set off that switch in your brain that tells you to kill and kill again, which we both know is already balancing precariously

On Discerning Tastes;

Amy oh gosh. says: well tbf atm we are in a social climate that considers pixie lott a person worth listening to

Ash /|\ says: she is relevant to my interests

Amy oh gosh. says: human females between the ages of 16 and death?

Ash /|\ says: need to be breathing

On Discerning Tastes (Part 2);

Ash /|\ says: I would almost certainly engage in some sort of sexual relations with her

Amy oh gosh. says: I’m sure you’d say the same of a burns victim with large breasts so forgive me if i don’t hold your opinion in high esteem

On Gentlemanly Behaviour;

Ash /|\ says: hope she gets really really pissed so i can take advantage

Amy oh gosh. says: you’re such a good guy, you’re just a really good guy

Ash /|\ says: one of the best

Amy oh gosh. says:a king among men

Ash /|\ says: god among mortals

Amy oh gosh. says: looking forward to your first appearance on crimewatch

Ash /|\ says: can’t wait for their drawing of me

Ash /|\ says: the sketch

Ash /|\ says: wonder what it’ll look like

Amy oh gosh. says: hahaha they’ll blatantly make you look like that dude from keane with facial hair

Ash /|\ says: goddamn.

Thank God Big Brother is over;

Amy oh gosh. says: why do people watch big brother

Amy oh gosh. says: why watch people living their lives

Ash /|\ says: who knows.

Amy oh gosh. says: its not even scripted

Amy oh gosh. says: there are no sexy twists

Amy oh gosh. says: just pasty idiots

On Sad Realities;

Ash /|\ says: I’d rather pokemon were real tbh

Ash /|\ says: srs, how fucking badass would that be

Amy oh gosh. says: that would be shit

Ash /|\ says: no it wouldn’t

Amy oh gosh. says: within weeks there’d be adverts talking about how they were being abused or made to compete in dogfights or some shit

Ash /|\ says: that happens with real animals anyway

Amy oh gosh. says: exactly

Amy oh gosh. says: human beings aren’t as pure as anime characters

Amy oh gosh. says: lay your dreams to rest

Ash /|\ says: tbf it’d be better dogfighting if dogs breathed fire and shit

On malicious intent;

Amy oh gosh. says: I hope they don’t play

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf i hoped micheal jackson would pike and well.

Ash /|\ says: are you nostradamus

On Nip/Tuck being shit;

Ash /|\ says: I much prefer this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umd44y7PVfc

Amy oh gosh. says: i keep telling you they ripped that song off, massively

Ash /|\ says: I dont care, they made it better

Amy oh gosh. says: its not better

Ash /|\ says: its a parody

Amy oh gosh. says: an uncredited parody

Amy oh gosh. says: you can’t rip off something a few people have heard of and then call it a parody

Ash /|\says: your insolence towards nip/tuck gets me quite enraged

Amy oh gosh. says: look i’m sorry but its a shit show okay

Ash /|\ says: fuck you

Ash /|\ says: I hope you get struck down with malaria

Amy oh gosh. says: ”DON’T YOU DARE INSULT A TV SHOW I WATCH”

Ash /|\ says: see my previous comment

On ‘German Pussy’;

Ash /|\ says: have you seen the new Rammstein video?

Ash /|\ says: it is the most terrible song in the world

Ash /|\ says: coupled with the greatest ever video

Ash /|\ says: http://www.visit-x.net/rammstein/

Ash /|\ says: very nsfw.

(Seriously guyz its basically porn!11)

Amy oh gosh. says: oh my god this is awful

Amy oh gosh. says: HAHA

Ash /|\ says: take it you’ve just reached the end

Ash /|\ says: its quite climactic

Amy oh gosh. says: for them, too

Amy oh gosh. says: i am not a fan of the song but i think it is meant to be overly satirical

Amy oh gosh. says: like a big viral campaign so scarf wearers will actually give a fuck about rammstein

Ash /|\  says: XD

Ash /|\ says: viral campaigns = scarf wearers only

Amy oh gosh. says: ‘wacky’ scenesters are our superior

Amy oh gosh. says: watch how quickly german pussy makes the blog rounds

Amy oh gosh. says: pitchfork are going to shit themselves

Amy oh gosh. says: ‘a must have for any rockist who takes his metal with a side of irony’ *puts on ladysmith black mumbaza pulls out lotion*

Ash /|\ says: pulls out lotion? but theres no mention of dipset anywhere

Amy oh gosh. says: copy of the source already carefully laid out, blates

Ash /|\ says: imagine the carnage if there was a double page spread on juelz santana

I have over 600 videos in my favourites on youtube. Here are some of my favourite favourites. Uh. Enjoy.

Yo Gabba Gabba is this fucking bad ass kid’s show that comes on Nick Jr. Its like an alt version of Sesame Street, or a subtle indoctrination scheme to turn your kids into the sort of people who only  appreciate American Apparel and irony. They’ve had people on like Amy Sedaris, Chromeo, Of Montreal, Money Mark, Jack Black, Mates Of State, The Roots and my personal favourite, because inside I am a socially awkward 13 year old boy who doesn’t understand why people keep laughing at his fedora, The Aquabats. The video above is from a section of the show when Biz Markie teaches children how to beat box. I think you should watch it. And if that doesn’t tickle you, here is Biz Markie teaching children how to beat box, wearing a cape and a felt headpiece shaped like a vampire bat. <3.

Henry Rollins on Electro and DJing. As far as I am concerned anything Henry Rollins has to say is gold anyway. Bonus; watch him beat the shit out of an overenthusiastic fan in his Black Flag days. Such a ledge.

Best. Commercial. Ever.

Needs no further introduction. Poor Reggie. Poor, poor Reggie.

NYC Prep is this reality show about rich teens at sub-standard Private Schools in New York, which I have been watching religiously. The main players are P.C (a gay guy so deep in the closet he has practically found Narnia), Jessie (his potato-faced hag hiding her obvious infatuation behind a thin veneer of blase, bitchy world-weariness), Camille, (the Dorothy Parker of the group, who may be the only person in the world more sarcastic and unnecessarily bitter than me) and Sebastian, (a slow witted young turk, solely interested in awkwardly attempting to get to second base with as many jaded, emotionally uninvested young JAP ‘socialites’ as possible, before the clock strikes midnight on his already receding hairline). It rules!

If you are into photography or film and haven’t checked out Tyler Shields, I strongly suggest you do so, some of his stuff is amazing.

The end times are apparently pretty close and should they actually happen I feel this would serve as an accurate depiction of humanity.

Lazy Edit yay! New videos! Everything must go!

Heidi Montag puts on her ‘musical artist’ hat and in a perfect impersonation of Britney circa ’03, lip syncs her way through a fairly standard pop number i.e a thinly veiled invite to her vagina (sampling Yaz no less). Par for the course these days tbh, I’m yawning into my Red Bull. But wait!

In the full length version of this song Spencer Pratt proves he is more than a coddled man child protectively swathed in Ed Hardy and delusions of grandeur by briefly attempting to rap (”Lay my eyes on a sassy pearl/Heidi Montag/Yeah, that’s my girl”). This deeply embarrassing gaff genuinely made me consider watching The Hills, despite the fact that I still can’t understand what the hell its meant to be about, in the hopes that they filmed him recording it. I can think of no better endorsement.

My friend and I are in constant disagreement about The Mars Volta. He thinks they are musical geniuses, I think they are pretentious douchebags noodling incompetently on their instruments then selling the results to stoned freshers and burnouts disguised as ‘prog rock’. I mean;

”A half mass commute through umbilical blisters
Spector will lurk
Radar has gathered
Midnight nooses from boxcar cadavers”

Seriously, what the fuck? I didn’t even deliberately look for lyrics this fucking stupid, they are from the first title I randomly clicked on. It reads like it was written by a 14 year old in a ‘YOU’RE THE WEIRD ONE’ t-shirt. Which pretty much sums up most of their efforts. Not that you can even fucking understand what the lead singer is actually saying, since he seems to consider every recorded moment wasted unless he is deeply immersed in high pitched ‘experimental’ screeching, like a cat in heat. Anyway. This is the one Mars Volta song that doesn’t make me want to drive a Bic deep into my own eardrums. This is my call for a truce. They are not all bad. Just 99.9% of the time.

And that’s the end of that chapter.

]]> http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/videos-on-a-blog-the-final-frontier/feed/ 6 interpolgroupieswearblack http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/08/26/i-was-looking-at-pornography-okay-is-that-what-you-wanna-hear/ http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/08/26/i-was-looking-at-pornography-okay-is-that-what-you-wanna-hear/#comments Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:14:38 +0000 Amy Green http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/?p=1132 ]]>

ICE.

On beautiful memories;

Amy oh gosh. says: i will always think of you as my creepy friend

Ash /|\ says: want that on my gravestone

Amy oh gosh. says: RIP man, you’ll be making angels nervous and uncomfortable in the sky

NME or FHM?;

Amy oh gosh. says: at least nme knows it is shit, on some level

Amy oh gosh. says: like a ginger child

Ash /|\  says: XD

Ash /|\  says: FHM has tits

Ash /|\ says: NME has Beth Ditto

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf you could buy a copy of ‘Jugs Monthly’ or watch scrambled porn for tits

Ash /|\ says: yes but you’d rather not

Ash /|\ says: I’d imagine going to the counter with Jugs Monthly isn’t anyones finest hour

Amy oh gosh. says: you could do it with a casual insouciance

Amy oh gosh. says: rock up to the counter with your ray ban aviators on and go ‘alright chief? give us a pack of marlboro red too, yeah?’

Amy oh gosh. says: basically what buying fhm says is that you are so serious about your pornography that you need captions

Goddamnit I fucking hate Pitchfork Jesus Christ;

Ash /|\ says: ‘Hey Ma’ is in there

Amy oh gosh. says: breihan voted for it obv

Amy oh gosh. says: his black friend at yale used to play it while he was finishing his dissertation on the role of the female in corporate america

Amy oh gosh. says: which breihan took as ‘this really speaks to the ghetto’

Amy oh gosh. says: which then became ‘this really speaks to me’

Ash /|\  says: XD

Amy oh gosh.  says: same girl is in there isn’t it

Amy oh gosh. says: ”usher weaves an ironic tapestry, taking us on a lyrical journey through the pain and confusion of infidelity” or something

Ash /|\ says: not sure, I didnt see it

Amy oh gosh. says: also i prefer r kelly with no hair

Ash /|\ says: I prefer r kelly with no clothes

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

On Notorious B.I.G (Part 2);

Amy oh gosh. says: i realized something just awful during notorious

Amy oh gosh. says: and that is, women had sex with B.I.G

Amy oh gosh. says: he got married to a hottie

Amy oh gosh. says: and he had groupies

Amy oh gosh.  says: now, how fucked up does your relationship with your dad have to be?

On awesome roles;

Amy oh gosh. says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LboRuO3UMSI&feature=related best job EVER

Ash /|\ says: my bollocks that guy benched 150

Amy oh gosh. says: imagine having on your cv ‘played a molester on saved by the bell’

Ash /|\ says: and not even the original saved by the bell

Ash /|\ says: ‘the new class’

Amy oh gosh.  says: what an uptight bitch

Ash /|\ says: she should loosen up, WHORE

Amy oh gosh. says: he’s only trying to be friendly jesus christ

Ash /|\ says: slag just cant be throwing sexual harassment lawsuits up in this piece

Amy oh gosh. says: ”i didn’t TOUCH the bitch, she was all up in my junk and i was like, back up i heard you have diseases”

On genius in its rawest form;

Amy oh gosh. says: this is supposed to be a high class bureau de change

Ash /|\ says: not some two bit punch and judy show on the seafront at margate

Amy oh gosh. says: i want to be chris morris

Ash /|\ says: just imagine how respected chris morris is in the comedy field

Amy oh gosh. says: he must be a legend

Amy oh gosh. says: think about how many comedy writers he will have spawned in the next 10 years

Ash /|\ says: or in the last 10 years

Amy oh gosh. says: charlie brooker, chris morris, armando iannucci and the peep show dudes are like the best writers around today

Amy oh gosh. says: oh and ricky gervais and stephen merchant, obv

Ash /|\ says: me and you must be up there

Amy oh gosh. says: brb polishing Emmy.

On placid disagreement*;

Ash /|\ says: switched Pulp Fiction off half way through

Amy oh gosh. says: no way

Amy oh gosh. says: why?

Ash /|\ says: because it was shit

Amy oh gosh. says: man fuck you

Ash /|\ says: shit and boring and shit

Amy oh gosh. says: fuck you, fuck your shitty taste, just fuck you

Ash /|\ says: fuck you

Amy oh gosh. says: no fuck you

Ash /|\ says: just because I dont like your stupid ass film

Amy oh gosh. says: brick for brains motherfucker

Ash /|\ says: mouth breather

Amy oh gosh. says: sloping brow dullard

Amy oh gosh. says: p.s fuck you

Ash /|\ says: XD

On Chrrrriisss Haaaaanseeen;

Amy oh gosh. says: chris hansen is my johnson srs

Ash /|\ says: gay for hansen

Amy oh gosh. says: basically

Amy oh gosh. says: i love the way he reads out the screennames

Amy oh gosh. says: completely deadpan

Ash /|\ says: iwanttorapeuanally

Amy oh gosh. says: that was beautiful

Amy oh gosh. says: remember the dude who tried to get a ride home

Ash /|\ says: classic paedophilia

Amy oh gosh. says: lazy paedophilia

On To Catch A Predator;

Amy oh gosh. says: i can’t wait until you’re featured on ‘to catch a predator uk’

Amy oh gosh. says: just take a seat. take a seat over there

Ash /|\ says: ive got the transcript right here

Amy oh gosh. says: what are you doing here?

Amy oh gosh. says: i figure you will be ‘a runner’

Ash /|\  says: XD

Ash /|\ says: I’ll just accuse hansen of being a paedophile

Ash /|\ says: if they have hansen on the uk version

Ash /|\says: it might be jamie theakston or dean gaffney or someone

Amy oh gosh. says: if it was dean gaffney you could probably just say ‘come on, man’

Ash /|\ says: Ive told you before gaffney, not while im with my mates

(*Srsly how do you not like Pulp Fiction?!)

]]> http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/08/26/i-was-looking-at-pornography-okay-is-that-what-you-wanna-hear/feed/ 3 interpolgroupieswearblack 6fmezslurd86q4i8mtypach6_500 http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/bullshit-shows-or-the-reason-i-am-so-profoundly-stupid/ http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/bullshit-shows-or-the-reason-i-am-so-profoundly-stupid/#comments Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:44:32 +0000 Amy Green http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/?p=1104 ]]>

(Awesome artwork from outpost Daria)

I recently wrote about Daria (for Platform), a show I grew up with, which I feel helped mentally mold me into the misanthropic sarcastic mess I am today.

During my reflective navel gazing (srs why am i so into nostalgia these days) I also remembered some other shows that I grew up with. When you were a kid, did you ever do that thing where you just sat in front of the TV and watched whatever the fuck was on? And even though in some dim recess of your mind, you realized that the show holding your attention was offensively retarded, it never occurred to you to stop watching it? Yeah. Anyway.

Here are some other ridiculously bad shows I used to watch when I was younger. The fact that I am not dribbling at a bus stop somewhere is a testament to God. I should sue Trouble.

In the interest of science I watched them again to see how they measured up to my memories.

City Guys

City Guys was about a group of ‘urban youths’ attending an ‘urban high school’ and living on the mean streets of a budget set meant to be New York City. Most weeks it dealt with incredibly serious issues, like being pressured into buying ‘X’ or thinking about talking about maybe having sex. You know. Things we can all relate to. City Guys also has one of the best theme songs of any show ever. I defy you to find another unintentionally hilarious theme song that could top it.

I watched an episode where the main characters ‘experiment’ with alcohol. I’m quite alarmed to see that, despite playing high schoolers, most of the actors must have been pushing 30. One of the guys does a shot and gasps, then hisses ‘Man this stuff’s potent’. I had to pause it so I could laugh for about an hour. After three shots of ‘potent’ tequila, they are declaring undying love to each other and hurling eggs off a balcony. These kids rule! Then they had to ruin it by getting ‘killer’ hangovers and learning things. Bitches.

I’d give it 6/10 because ‘Man this stuff’s potent’.

Hang Time

Hang Time was about this high school basketball team who were uncomfortably close to their coach. I actually waited for the very special episode where one of the ‘fellas’ lays down a sexual harassment suit, but it never came.

I had hoped I wouldn’t be able to find this show because I never really enjoyed it, but alas, youtube failed to fail me yet again. It has the typical hammy acting, terrible wardrobe choices and sets as your standard Aaron Spellingesque teen fare, but it somehow manages to be so much worse. After careful consideration, I have determined the reason its so bad is because the cast aren’t even trying. Its like they knew preemptively that there was no point, that no producers would call to invite them to try out for any blockbusters, that no reviewer from the New Yorker would be critiquing the episode where Danny thought Mary Beth kissed another guy and that the target audience were of the lowest common denominator, slack jawed idiots who would just as happily sit watching a continuous loop of a monkey rolling around in its own filth. Its the mournful glaze in those long since deadened eyes as they woodenly recite their lines, remembering a time so full of promise, back when Drama School was just starting and the future was still dazzlingly bright, that makes Hang Time so shit. Its the same look I imagine a hooker might get upon finding out she had caught HIV from a john. Utter futility.

So I’d say 2/10. 1 for sorrow. 1 for pity.

Sweet Valley High

(Best youtube comment on this video; ”dat shit wa hard nigga. iliked it for the hoes and this song”)

I still know the words to this theme song. The shame. I used to watch SVH because I was really really into the books, which are in all fairness, amazing works of literary achievement (I LOVED Lila Fowler and I will always think of myself as an honorary member of the Unicorn club). Its about these two hot blonde Californian twins, one whos supposedly really sweet and nice and one who’s a massive bitch. Its pretty bad, I don’t need to re-watch to remember that. It was like a more far fetched teen version of Days Of Our Lives but with less comas. However I fully support its return, for nostalgic reasons and because it still inspires delightfully earnest hokum, like the video below;

Wow. 5/10.

USA High

This show had everything, terrible fake European accents, hot actors in skimpy outfits and no real discernable plot to speak of. It was about a bunch of kids from different countries who attended a school in Paris called ‘The American Academy’ or some shit. Unofficially ‘USA High’. Thomas Magier, the dude who played Christian, was my first celebrity crush. Back then I was able to see past the negligible chin and terrifying Austrian accent and glimpse his soul. And also, his biceps.

Are those guns fully loaded?!

Even USA High’s cancellation wasn’t enough to douse the flames of my adolescent passion. I remember Sugar had a picture of him in their ‘Hot Guys’ feature, which I do believe, I cut out and stuck in the outer pocket of my backpack until one of the nuns on playground duty at my school called me out on it. Call me Thomas. You’re still the one.

10/10 because I still believe we are meant to be together. Somewhere there’s a place for us.

Bonus; because I have ‘Having fun ISN’T HARD, when you’ve got a LIBRARY CARD’ stuck in my head and I don’t see why I should have to fucking suffer alone. Also, Arthur is and was the shit.

I wrote about the Sheila’s Wheels bitches for I don’t care if you wouldn’t I would. I would.

Hey W@W look at this!!; Ash actually has a blog now and it is actually very very good. I strongly suggest you check it out.

http://lessbrighteyesmoredeicide.wordpress.com/

OMGZ!

On the Wire;

Amy oh gosh. says: oh my god this dude is getting beaten up by method man

Amy oh gosh. says: would it not be an honour?

Ash /|\ says: I would stand there and take a licking

Amy oh gosh. says: just to brag about it later.

RIP B.I.G;

Amy oh gosh. says: I was loling at the incredibly profound chorus of the Notorious B.I.G tribute ‘nasty girl’

Amy oh gosh. says: ”all the ladies if you feel me grab your titties for B.I.G”

Amy oh gosh. says: ten four, big guy.

Ash /|\  says: how he’d want to be remembered

Amy oh gosh. says: ladies squeezing titties in his memory

Amy oh gosh. says: i heard when he died, a similar tribute was paid to martin luther king

On ‘Music For Men’;

Amy oh gosh. says: but i strongly recommend you listen to the new gossip album

Ash /|\ says: do you know what I would rather do than listen to it

Amy oh gosh. says: what

Ash /|\ says: cut off my erect penis with a rusty spoon

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

On Nostalgia;

Amy oh gosh. says: feeling so depressed reading my myspace messages

Amy oh gosh. says: ”You just have to imagine him going to a club in Peckham or something. Suddenly all the talk about ‘ridin’ dat gash and bunnin’ some zoots’ amounts to nothing more than an awkward white guy in a ‘BOY BETTER KNOW’ t-shirt afraid of even the timid African man handing out paper towels in the bathroom.”

Amy oh gosh. says: from ’06. so i was basically always angry

(This will never stop being funny to me. The reason why I keep telling people to ”suck my presidential cock, bitch!”)

On potential paramours;

Amy oh gosh. says: i literally had to dig deep into my memory bank to remember which one she is

Amy oh gosh. says: ”the one who’s not the other one” is what i came up with

Ash /|\ says: good call

Amy oh gosh. says: or, the one who you’ll probably end up stalking but not the one who will end up in your freezer

Ash /|\ says: if I had my way, they’d all end up in my freezer

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

Amy oh gosh. says: you will make a great ‘that weird guy’ some day

Ash /|\ says: remember that guy we used to hang out with at uni? yeah he was a freakshow wasnt he

Ash /|\ says: and I’ll be typing up my reviews on punternet

Amy oh gosh. says: and standing too close to 15 year olds at the bus stop

Amy oh gosh. says: and then when the bus actually comes, just strolling away

Ash /|\ says: the best thing about 15 year olds is that as I get older, they always stay the same age

On seeing NIN live (CUNT);

Amy oh gosh. says: oooh i’m trent reznor i didn’t OD and showed up when i was supposed to

Amy oh gosh. says: SOMEONE just lost a fan

Ash /|\  says: it was fucking amazing

Ash /|\ says: it really really was

Ash /|\ says: jesus would have been a mere mortal at this show

Ash /|\ says: for trent is god

Amy oh gosh. says: i cannot wait until i can lord an incredible show over you. cannot wait

Ash /|\ says: whatevs

Amy oh gosh. says: it will happen

Amy oh gosh. says: i’m not always going to be a manic depressive avoiding the company of others you’ll see

On Pitchfork’s stance on Rock and Roll;

Ash /|\ says: http://pitchfork.com/news/36190-grohlhommejones-supergroup-post-first-brief-hint-of-new-music/

Amy oh gosh. says: ”Last week, we alerted you to the existence of triple-headed rawk hydra Them Crooked Vultures” jesus christ

Ash /|\ says: pitchfork are scared of rock and roll

Amy oh gosh. says: they are scared of people who listen to rock and roll

Amy oh gosh. says: the people who used to beat them up, but with jobs and facial hair

Ash /|\ says: XD

Ash /|\ says: the mere mention of ‘van halen’ sends shivers down Schreibers spine

Amy oh gosh. says: he still remembers being kicked into unconciousness by four be-mulleted hoodlums while the power chords of ‘jump‘ blared on, uncaring, in the background

(More writing and such coming soon after a brief hiatus. Watch this space and also the space around it.)

(Choooooon)

On Kanye West;

Ash /|\  says: kanye west on itv2, such an unlikable man

Amy oh gosh. says: i think he’s acting out

Amy oh gosh. says: the whole world is his stepdad

On R Kelly;

Amy oh gosh. says: o r kelly. you are just so misunderstood

Amy oh gosh. says: all his lyrics reveal the sensitive soul of a gentle giant

Amy oh gosh. says: toot toot beep beep, indeed

Ash /|\ says: TP4 is a soul album. marvin gaye would be proud

Ash /|\ says: if otis redding had made it, it would be his magnum opus

Amy oh gosh. says: i honestly think urinating on a child upped r kelly’s profile. which makes me sad about the world i live in

Ash /|\ says: XD

Ash /|\ says: might try it tomorrow at work

Ash /|\ says: it’ll up my profile as ill be in the local paper

Amy oh gosh. says: ‘that’s how it goes in M&S. I sip cris. You drink piss’

On delicious schadenfreude;

Amy oh gosh. says: that’s why i like ricki lake

Amy oh gosh. says: my life sux but at least i’m not fighting over a toothless man called du’shonte

On not-so delicious schadenfreude;

Amy oh gosh. says: i feel weirded out when the people who link to my blog have lives and friends and such

Amy oh gosh. says: i am a miserable loner

Amy oh gosh. says: i feel like i am their episode of jeremy kyle

On gross, annoying people (Hint hint. Hint.);

Amy oh gosh. says: do you wince when you have to touch something he has previously touched?

Amy oh gosh. says: probably caked in the remnants of his violent self love

On Download Festival;

Amy oh gosh. says: wahey, you almost got lucky at download

Ash /|\ says: by a big drunk man wearing a vader t-shirt, get in

Amy oh gosh. says: i didn’t say with a hot swedish playboy model. by the sound of it you’re lucky you didn’t experience aggravated sexual assault tbf

Ash /|\ says: I did meet someone who said they shagged my ‘rancid whore of a mother’

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

On lies in advertising;

Ash /|\ says: could Loose Women be any more of a tease

Amy oh gosh. says: I rented the hole and when it was over i smashed it to pieces so no-one else would be misled

Ash /|\ says: Anal Gaggers 6 does exactly what it says on the tin

Ash /|\ says: but Sex and the City? such shit.

Amy oh gosh. says: sex and the city had sex in it

Ash /|\ says: for a program that has sex in its title, not as much as you’d think

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf i think that once you hit 13 you shouldn’t really be looking for sex in primetime shows that is just me

Ash /|\ says: you have your opinion and I respect that

On Starting A Band;

Amy oh gosh. says: if i were a dude i would be so rich

Amy oh gosh. says: i’d have the most besotted idiot fanbase this side of an all american rejects album

Amy oh gosh. says: just write a few misogynistic ballads about being in love with a whore, get a stupid haircut that obscures 80% of your face and change your name to ‘zack’ or ‘chad’ or ‘dane’

Ash /|\ says: ‘logan’

Amy oh gosh. says: I call logan

Ash /|\ says: thats okay

Ash /|\ says: ive shotgunned xDanny7x

Amy oh gosh. says: i will make so much money

Amy oh gosh. says: even more if i can somehow reference red bull and pete wentz

Ash /|\ says: and bape

Amy oh gosh. says: and crying over a girl who doesn’t know you exist because you’re a huge pussy

Ash /|\ says: millionaires.

On Important Lessons;

Amy oh gosh. says: just heard the ‘don’t jam silverware into the toaster’ adage is based on fact

Amy oh gosh. says: colour me embarrassed

Ash /|\ says: XD

Ash /|\ says: and so you learned a lesson

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf not really

Amy oh gosh. says: i’ve been alright thus far

Amy oh gosh. says:so i have learnt that i am unkillable and should therefore keep on keeping on

Ash /|\ says: retard is not a term I bound about often

(Me on Heckler Spray woah stop the presses!)

On training regimes;

Ash /|\ says: I begin my summer slimming super session tomorrow

Amy oh gosh. says: what why where and who

Ash /|\ says: gym every week day, no crisps or any of that shit

Ash /|\says: this is some christian-bale-training-for-batman type shit right here

Amy oh gosh. says: christian bale would have a sit down with you and say ‘look man. you need to…cool it. you’re gonna kill yourself out there.’

Ash /|\ says: haile gebrselassie will tell me to ‘crank it down a notch’ on the treadmill

Amy oh gosh. says: all the actors in the expendables are trying to follow your training regime and all are having trouble

Ash /|\ says: arnie said I reminded him of a 1988 Mr. Olympia era

Amy oh gosh. says: in two months time you will be able to deadlift a pikey caravan with a family of six still inside. councils will desperately seek your services

Ash /|\ says: MPs will be putting me on their expenses as I can carry at least three to the Commons each morning

Amy oh gosh. says: imagined a giant man carrying a giggling david miliband

Ash /|\ says: thats the dream

On testostorific world leaders;

Amy oh gosh. says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8137506.stm raw manliness right there

Ash /|\ says: what a mighty good man

Amy oh gosh. says: putin shook his wife’s hand and then she was pregnant

On subtlety in romance;

Ash /|\ says: if I arrange for me and her to go for coffee, I can pretend its a date

Ash /|\ says: a recorded date talking about her band

Amy oh gosh. says: ”so….does your band like back rubs?”

Ash /|\ says: so I see you’re influenced by nine inch nails…what else do you like that is nine inches

Ash /|\ says: minus six inches

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

Amy oh gosh. says: that will almost certainly work

On industrious summer days;

Amy oh gosh. says: i’ve been watching Futurama

Ash /|\ says: ive been watching the cricket

Ash /|\ says: so very productive days for us

Amy oh gosh.says: i feel like i have achieved something by getting out of bed tbh

On disgusting relationships;

Amy oh gosh. says: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1196900/Hands-son-Suddenly-hes-hunky-17-year-old-man-eating-friends-start-flirting-him.html

Amy oh gosh. says: i cannot believe how obvious it is that the mum wants to fuck him

Amy oh gosh. says: she called him ‘god like’

Ash /|\ says: he does look like a sexual adonis tbf

Amy oh gosh. says: he looks like a lesbian at an improv night

On telling war stories;

Ash /|\ says: so heres me thinking im the dogs bollocks, the champ

Amy oh gosh. says: you weren’t the dogs bollocks or the champ were you

Ash /|\ says: I most certainly was not.

On ‘pretentious shite’;

Ash /|\ says: have you seen the tracklisting to the new Muse

Amy oh gosh. says: no

Ash /|\ says: it looks like the most pretentious load of shite this side of kele okereke

Ash /|\ says: 1. Uprising 2. Resistance 3. Undisclosed Desires 4. Uninted States Of Eurasia (+ Collateral Damage) 5. Guilding Light 6. Unnatural Selection 7. MK ULTRA 8. I Belong to You (+ Mon Coeur S’Ouvre A Ta Voix) 9. Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture) 10. Exogenesis: Symphony Part 2 (Cross Pollination) 11. Exogenesis: Symphony Part 3 (Redemption)

Amy oh gosh. says: it looks like a mars volta album

Amy oh gosh. says: if Exogenesis: Symphony Part 1 (Overture) doesn’t feature a deaf man moaning and playing the tambourine i will eat my hat

(I wrote about my horrible crippling fear of the outside world on Platform, read it, okay wow!)

(Also, I wrote about Twilight for Heckler Spray OMG srs?! Srs!)

]]> http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/good-morning-good-morning-to-you/feed/ 2 interpolgroupieswearblack http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/fans-vs-air-conditioning-a-debate/ http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/fans-vs-air-conditioning-a-debate/#comments Tue, 30 Jun 2009 22:30:44 +0000 Amy Green http://interpolgroupieswearblack.wordpress.com/?p=1004 ]]>

A scintilliating look at cooling systems and their place in today’s modern society. I’d like to thank my dear friend, Mr Reginald Tou for contributing to this piece. That we may one day find common ground regarding this volatile issue, is a dream too fragile to cling to. We hope to cover other such important issues in the future.

(Basically the result of a heated discussion on what kind of articles a magazine called ‘Fans Today’ might contain.)

Fans Versus A/C : Chill out

Fans, or to give them their proper title of ‘Rotary air flow adjustment mechanisms’, fuck me right off. Many times in my rather extraordinary life I have been in dire need of some external mechanism to reduce my body temperature, and fans have only served to piss me off to such a degree where I end up dying because of sheer, undiluted RAGE. My name is Reginald Tou, and this is my story.

It was a blistering day, somewhere deep in the sweaty pits of summer. In London, the temperature reached the magical figure of 40 degrees, and the entire country went bat-shit crazy, with tens of thousands of pasty white Brits flapping their bingo wings to the nearest beach to get their fill of skin cancer. Apart from me.

Now, y’see, there’s something that you need to know about me in order to fully comprehend this story. I used to play World of Warcraft. I used to watch anime. I used to be the biggest fucking nerd this side of Bognor-Regis. And on this day, whilst trawling the internet for my daily haul of ‘Tit-magic-loli: Megavagina chronicles Super 87’, I notice a couple of things, more or less simultaneously.

1 – I’m wearing tight jeans.
2 – My ass is sweating.
3 – I’m sitting on a leather armchair.
4 – My ASS is sweating on a motherfucking LEATHER armchair.

Now, I’m not a scientist, but I can see this becoming a real big problem, real fucking fast. Of course, since I live in England (which is, pretty much, cold) we don’t have an air conditioner, but instead we have about a million fans lined all over the house, suckin’ power like Twilight sucks the decency out of any teenage girl in a 10 mile radius. Now, you’re sitting there wondering where this could possibly be going. I have a sweaty arse, and there are enough fans to start a typhoon on the moon, so surely I just park myself in front of one, right?

Wrong.

I mean, there are many things with that solution, but chiefly the problem of how I explain to passers by the reason why I’m standing right in front of a fan, thus depriving them of precious air flow. Also, why the entire room smells of my ASS. So what do I do? Because dude, I’ve got a raid in 10, and if I don’t show my DKP is gonna be fuckin’ negative, and I’m just not willing to let that shit go down (I’m talking about World of Warcraft here). I’ll tell you what I do. I stay seated, do my raid, and think happy thoughts while the leather armchair tries to glue itself to my – now molten – posterior. Fuck you, fans. Fuck you. We didn’t even get any rogue loot and I had to use three bars of soap in the shower after. I smelt like a Dove factory afterwards, but I couldn’t wash away the Goddamn shame of it all.

Now, A/C systems wouldn’t let this happen. No, instead of basically blowing hot air straight into your face/arse while you force yourself to believe it’s actually cooling your body in any way shape or form, they just nuke the entire room with cold. It’s basically what would happen if you ever wrenched the ice Queen’s corset open. Except you wouldn’t get frostbite on your wang. By cooling the entire room, one person drying their arse/whatever obscure and hilarious body part by standing in front of the cooling facility doesn’t impede others’ enjoyment of the cooling facility. We can all be cool brothers and sisters in an air con paradise, rather than poisoning each other’s Pimm’s in order to claim the £12 Argos fan which doesn’t really turn properly.

What about the environment? Fuck the environment, that’s what. Global warming, pfft, just get a couple million A/C units, juice them on full and cool the Earth right back to the ice age. A/C creates the problem and then fixes it like a champ because it’s like that. It’ll fuck you, but it’ll make you eggs in the morning. Not like a fan. If a fan were a guy, it’d be the one that gets a handjob in the middle of the dancefloor and then runs off into the night, like pervert Batman.

So there you go. A/C: CHILL OUT.

Reginald Tou

———————————————————————–

A/C vs Fans: A/C can suck my dick

Know why? That shit dries out your complexion and makes your throat hurt. It costs too much money for A/C. And the units are ugly (look at this bulky motherfucker). Fans are pretty. They’re cheap and portable. You can get super strong ones nowadays. Like some next, industrial level shit. Also fans are safer for the environment, hello? I am a caring sort of person, I recycle and daydream about owning a Prius, therefore preserving the planet for a generation of people who will probably be too stupid and fat and de-evolved to appreciate it. That is just who I am. But mainly, I prefer fans because I am biased about A/C due to what happened to me last summer. Are you sitting comfortably? I shall tell you a tale.

Even though we have the sea and shit in England, too, it was decided that my family and I would all go out to the Caribbean for a ‘little break’ (while we are on the subject why is it when people are on holiday in ‘exotic places’, all they ever do is walk around pretending to be impressed by different beaches and nap?).

Anyway, in every room of our apartment there was an A/C unit. And as they were externally controlled, they were always on. Now, having the constitution of a child recently recovering from Polio, it took only about 5 days for me to contract some kind of awful virus from the constant bone chilling breeze. To say this was the flu would be like calling the Mahmudiyah killings ‘kind of uncool’. A big ol’ bloated understatement of biblical proportions. I experienced fits of delirium during which I was sure my skin was peeling off. I sweated constantly, like a pedophile on Dateline. My body seemed to have made a bet with itself that it couldn’t cough up my lungs. Once, on my hourly shuffle to the bathroom for another 10 minutes of pointless retching, I noted, in a nearby mirror, that my pallor would probably have made Linda Blair blanch. Finally, after lamenting the fact that I was unsavvy enough to somehow get a cold virus on an island that boasts a year round tropical climate, the hotel owner referred us to a local doctor who gave me a stockpile of antibiotics and said that the illness had most likely been contracted through airborne bacterium. Courtesy of the A/C unit in my room. And that’s why air conditioning can go fuck itself.

Amy Green

P.S Alan Cumming for I don’t care if you wouldn’t, I would. R U chicken?!

On Realistic Goals;

Amy oh gosh. says: my aim is to have a portfolio so when i am old and working at a call center i can be like, LOOK! LOOK AT WHAT I DID

Amy oh gosh. says: to my sullen illegal immigrant co-worker

Ash /|\ says: XD

On Certain Journalists;

Amy oh gosh. says: think they should all be cleansed

Ash /|\ says: me and you should be the definitive word on music journalism

Amy oh gosh. says: we basically should

Amy oh gosh. says: although it would take us about 4 days to sell out for money

Amy oh gosh. says: or in your case, human contact

Ash /|\ says: brokenCYDE really are true innovators

Amy oh gosh. says: i really enjoyed hayden panettiere’s cover of ‘my humps’ it was inspired

Ash /|\ says: johnny borrell really is a top chap and has a lot to say about the economy, are you listening secretary of state?

Amy oh gosh. says: the ting tings really are the best thing to come out of music since the lads from Jet strapped on guitars

On Certain Journalists (Part 2);

Amy oh gosh. says: how many times do you think they have masturbated to the yo la tengo album

Ash /|\ says: so many times, that the skin is actually grazed and charred from the furious movement of hands on their 4 inchers

On Certain Journalists (Part 3);

Ash /|\  says: http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2008/sep/18/no.more.long.gigs

Ash /|\ really fucking ugly crackwhore writes bollocks for the guardian

Ash /|\ says: that should be the title of her autobiography

On Excuses;

Amy oh gosh. says: i am nothing if not honest

Ash /|\ says: almost too honest

Amy oh gosh. says: i feel like cbf is an all encompassing reason to not go out

Amy oh gosh. says: rather than picking out one facet of why the night will probably be shit; you can’t smoke inside, the DJ at that night thinks playing ‘boom boom boom (way-oh)‘ is a big treat, its like seven quid for a glass of generic cola and 3 drops of southern comfort

Ash /|\  says: cbf

Amy oh gosh. says: basically

Ash /|\ says: it truly is all encompassing

On R Kelly’s Trapped In The Closet;

Amy oh gosh. says: why isn’t the midget from trapped in the closet super famous?

Amy oh gosh. says: r kelly is actually insane

Ash /|\ says: insanely rich

Amy oh gosh. says: no he’s actually crazy

Amy oh gosh. says: there is something really wrong with him

Amy oh gosh. says: this is the equivalent of self insertion fan fiction

Amy oh gosh. says: where some obese nerd somehow kicks an atomic bomb into space and then has a threesome with the olsen twins

On original pick up lines;

Ash /|\ says: thats my new chat up line

Ash /|\ says: y’know my mate thinks you’re tesco, but to me you are so M&S

Ash /|\ says: get away from me you Lidl troll

Amy oh gosh. says: bitch thinks she’s waitrose when she’s just patel’s cash and carry

Ash /|\ says: XD

On Great Honour;

Ash /|\ says: I wish Obama would punch me

Amy oh gosh. says: me too

Amy oh gosh. says: i would be able to die happy knowing that a president knocked a tooth out of my mouth

Ash /|\ says: *toof

Amy oh gosh. says: *mouf

On Metal Videos;

Ash /|\  says: It Dwells In Me ^_^

Amy oh gosh. says: is there a head there that has known the cleansing touch of soap in the past 2 years?

Ash /|\ says: XD

Ash /|\ says: my silence says more than my words ever could

Edit! Hey look here!!!!! Here!!! Now you’ve got it!!

In order to not feel like a lazy douche/having to write another blog just to post a funny picture or video, I’ve retooled my old tumblr for that very purpose.

http://interpolgroupieswearblack.tumblr.com/

Come and look at hot sexy pics XXX and youtube videos of pigeons doing hilarious tricks!