Stick to acting, Scarlett Johansson

When I heard that Scarlett Johansson was doing a Tom Waits cover (in fact a whole album), I was like, ‘Oh my God!’, squealing like a 13 year old in Times Square. Because I was so sure that it was going to be amazing, I listened to a grainy 30 second clip and then bought the damn thing off iTunes.

It proved a grave mistake.

I usually give songs I’m not sure about 3 listens, to see if they grow on me. Here is a log of my thoughts during the three listens I gave ‘Falling Down’.

Listen one; Hear tuneless wail. Furrow brow in confusion and distress. Check ‘now playing’ 3 times to make sure it is the right song. It is.

Listen two; Imagine a drunk, effeminate man singing karaoke with his ‘work buds’.
Imagine Fiona Apple with Downs.
Imagine someone swinging a bag of really sick cats against a wall.
Imagine Phoebe from ‘Friends’ wincing.

Listen three; Am in physical pain. Consider the phrases ‘aural rape’ and ‘GBH of the ears’. Claw at face. Bleed from eyes. Consider chewing off own fingers.

As you may have guessed, I did not care for it.