Techtonik isn’t for everyone.

This weekend I was in France, bored out of my mind because I have the worst hayfever ever and because I had forgotten the 4 different bottles of anti-histamines that allow me to breathe through my nose. Therefore I spent the whole time in my room, drinking terrible room service Kir Royals and inwardly cursing my own sorry ass immune system.

I also spent a lot of time looking out the window of my hotel room, since there was a street festival outside. There was an awful electro DJ and some kids doing techtonik which was so fucking funny. Techtonik may look amaze when talented street dancers are doing it on youtube videos and BBC news reports, but the reality of watching an obese French child kicking his legs about like a retarded horse whilst simultaneously swiping beads of sweat from his glistening, red face was less than impressive. Watching them felt indecent somehow, like walking in on someone on the toilet. It’s embarrassing for you and its embarrassing for them and you just want to forget it happened.

Something I have realised about myself is that I don’t even bother with French in France anymore. Everyone there speaks English anyway, unless you go to some dusty provencial hick town. I’m like one of those English people who saves up for 2 years to go to Florida and then buys every meal from the American equivalent of an ‘authentic British pub’.

Allow your country.