1. Pretend to be in the early stages of pregnancy so you can attend a seminar about the childcare voucher government scheme, which is an hour long and has free coffee. (Note; may not work if you’re a dude. Please let me know if you are a dude and this works for you.)
2. Write a list of reasons why you shouldn’t just succumb to boredom and kill yourself.
3. Stare at a specific body part of the person opposite you (only if they happen to be an awful bitch) until they get visibly self conscious about it. Smile sympathetically.
4. Drop heavy handed hints about how far hair removal products have come in the last 10 years to the moustachioed woman who works in HR and looks like Cantinflas.
5. See number 2.
6. Time the clock on your computer to the second. Then try and make it speed up using the sheer power of your mind.
7. Photocopy your hand. Write ‘TALK TO IT’ underneath. Put some sellotape on it. Stick this to your face anytime anyone tries to speak to you.
8. Sleep with your eyes open. Creep out your co-workers.
9. Finish off essays because fuck doing it in your own free time what is this a George Orwell novel?
10. Write a blog entry about the top ten ways to pass the time at work.