WoW this game is shit.

 

I know this guy, who is totally awesome. He has amazing taste in music and introduced me to some of my favourite bands and artists. He is a talented photographer and an all around happy, popular, lolz person.

One day he told me he had bought WoW to pass the time between classes. And within 2 months he had disappeared from my life. I would occasionally see him on MSN where he would inform me he was ‘about to go on a raid’ or molest a boar for orc gems or some stupid thing. He withdrew from everything. His flickr basically became coated in dust. No-one had seen him at gigs or parties. And it recently came out that it was because he had immersed himself in this shitty game.

Now I am probably one of the most antisocial people in Britain. Going out is an effort these days. I literally count the minutes until 11.00 on weeknights, at which time I can finally go to bed without feeling like an OAP loser. But that is ridiculous by even my standards. Eschewing real friends to hang out with virtual characters? Dude.

Apparently WoW addiction is incredibly common these days.

From WoW detox.com;

”I have been sober of wow since last October, right before the patch came out. However right now I have got the urge and the craving to play again. I keep telling myself that I can keep it on the lite side while I know I probably can’t.  Since quitting wow I have lost 30lb and some 7% body fat, been running 3 miles every day, met the girl of my dreams, and been acing all my exams in school. right now my urges to play wow is again threatening all that. So ya, is there a guide that I can follow to treat my wow addiction?”


”I look forward to my wife being gone so I can play without feeling guilty or hiding it. My 8yo daughter watches the other 4 kids while I play. She gets in trouble if anyone disturbs me. This is not right. This has to end. It will end tonight.”

”Today, I momentarily blacked out and collapsed 10 feet away from my fiance. He neither noticed nor cared to ask if I was OK because he was too focused on his WoW. He plays hours upon hours everyday, and he still doesn’t admit it’s a problem. What do I do?”

Dude.

So I decided to try this game. Maybe I’m missing something? And its not as lame as it seems? 6 million people can’t be wrong. Cough.

I have decided on playing for at least an hour for every day of my 9 day trial in hopes of understanding what the fuck. Wish me luck.

So Day 1;

Upon starting, you have to decide what race you want to be. There are 6 races to choose from. I decided on human first and designed a character who looked kind of like a ripped Bill Cosby. Then I decided to be an female elf because I am immature and childish.

The game started with some epic tale; basically most of the elves died out. And there was a tree that gave them life. Or something. The voiceover is freaking hilarious. The narrator is as serious as someone explaining to a family their loved one only has 3 days left to live. But he’s talking about elves. Right.

Then the actual gameplay starts. Unfortunately. My little elf me stands waiting to be told what to do. Within seconds I am accosted by some dude called Felrys who informs me I am ‘HOTT’ before addressing me in terms that might imply I am the kind of girl who conducts her business on her knees in a back alley. I decide to ignore him lest one of the in-game commands is ‘rape’ and head off towards a building in a tree. A human woman called ‘YOURSEXSLAVE’ is dancing for 4 male elves. Yes. ‘Dancing’ is one of the commands. And the girl characters all dance like strippers with aggressive yeast infections. I ask if this is common in-game activity. I am ignored. I try asking ‘what is going on in this magical tree forest?!’ and am ignored yet again. God, unfriendly much?

I have a conversation with a girl elf called ‘Elfin’. I ask her why she is so into this game and she simply has her character shrug. When your characters talk to each other other people can see what they are saying via speech bubbles. We are greeted by an elf warrior who asks ‘HOW OLD ARE YOU LADIES’. ‘Elfin’ informs him she is 13. He tells her ‘THATS COOL WANNA CHAT’. My pedo sense is tingling. I leave them to it. ‘YOURSEXSLAVE’ is still dancing, this time in a bikini. I can’t help but imagine a 400 pound man in a specially reinforced chair surrounded by empty Dorito packets, in a room that smells of BO and sorrow. 45 minutes in and I still haven’t engaged in any duels or whatever this game is supposed to be about. I think about giving up for the day around this point. But eventually another dancing whore takes pity on me and we have a fight which she wins. Getting my ass kicked by someone called ‘coolgirl’ counts as something of a lowest ebb moment.

Now on Platform.com.

Now with parts 2 and 3.

 

 

4 thoughts on “WoW this game is shit.

  1. Aah ha ha ha! Brilliant! I look forward to future updates. WOW never appealed to me, though I do enjoy a few hours of RPGs every now and again (the non-online kind). Right now I’m playing this game called Persona 3, it’s the shit. You play a Japanese schoolkid and by day you walk around school and try to score with chicks, by night you fight monsters by shooting yourself in the head with a special gun so that demons come out of you.

  2. I really like final fantasy x and x-2. But yeah, WoW not so much. I will definitely look out for Persona 3.

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