Swine Flu; how it will consume us all. But don’t panic.

(I am well aware of the fact that some commenter will want to point out that I am ‘WRONG about EVERYTHING, you fucking idiot BITCH’. But I already know that your intellect is superior to mine in every way, friend. Let us lay down our weapons.)

Here is what we know about Swine Flu

-Its a new strain of Influenza

-It, uh. Started in swine.

-You can’t get it from eating pork.

-The first case of Swine Flu in humans is believed to have been a man named Pvt. David Lewis, on February 5, 1976

-Scientists believe this particular strain originated in Mexico

-The patient zero is believed to be a 4 year old boy who grew up near a pig farm in Mexico. The pig farm, owned by company, Smithfield denies the link.

-Symptoms include fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, fatigue, diarrhea and vomiting.

-As of April 27th, 2009, the World Health Organization raised its Pandemic Alert level to Phase 4. Phase 6 would mean a global pandemic.

-The Goverment have announced a plan to send out pamphlets on how to spot and treat cases of Swine flu. The NHS have announced plans to release the stockpile of Tamiflu, a drug originally created to treat Avian (bird) flu. They believe they have enough to treat roughly 50% of the population in case of a pandemic.

-In Mexico, most public places including schools and supermarkets have been closed until further notice. People have been urged to isolate themselves and remain inside their houses.

-So far there have been 273 known infected and 7 deaths. Countless more believed to be infected in New York.

-People most likely to contact Swine Flu are ‘young, healthy persons aged 25-45’.

-Flights to Mexico have been suspended until further notice.

-In new strains of flu, the majority of hosts have little or no immunity.

-As of today there are eight confirmed cases and 40 suspected cases in the UK.

Apparently these are the bare bone facts of Swine flu. You only have to turn on the TV to hear this information monotonously recited by some dead eyed panicmonger in an ill fitting business suit. Its a tiny bit scary. Not because of the threat, but because of the level on Global unpreparedness. Right now I am more worried about Avian Flu (a strain of which caused 800 million deaths in 1918) mutating and coming back for us all. The world really is not ready for a pandemic. Globalization has made us the fat kid bent over in front of the bully.

‘Young people’ are apparently more likely to die from the actual virus. I don’t understand this reasoning, as nowhere near enough people have died for there to be an active trend. And even if this was the case, the danger is less likely to be because of the virus itself and more the results of something called a cytokine storm, which is where an active immune system reacts too strongly to outside infection. This can be life threatening. Or of flu leading to Pneumonia, which is responsible for the majority of the 12,000 flu-related deaths a year in the UK.

No-one knows if Swine Flu is a threat or not. Skeptics and conspiracy theorists believe there is an ulterior motive behind the supposed outbreak. Probably. Although a lot of conspiracy theorists also believe JEWS DID 9/11 !!!1. It is safe to say that Swine Flu cannot be contained, as like all strains of Influenza, it is highly contagious. Maybe this will mean parents will teach their kids to cover their Goddamn mouths when they sneeze on the tube.

Also no-one really knows what causes Swine Flu. Which also means, come autumn if it does somehow mutate into a more virilent, antibiotic resistant strain, we could all be seriously fucked. Seriously fucked. Like, imagine the world is Jenna Jameson and Swine Flu is Mandingo. While we are better off technologically, we are worse in terms of global infection because, in the space of about 2 weeks, there are cases of Swine flu in almost every country in the world. Oops! Thanks globalization!

So that’s all you need to know. Swine flu could be a threat and if it does get as serious as the WHO believe it could be, we’re fucking done, son. Maybe it won’t get that bad and we’ll all just be sick for a while, like when everyone had that gross gastric flu that made them vomit and shit and stuff. Fuck those guys. This girl had it one weekend and tried to take a bite of my two finger Kit Kat. I was like, bitch you can have it. But whatever happens vis a vis Swine flu, lets all stay safe and just hope this shit dies down soon.

2 thoughts on “Swine Flu; how it will consume us all. But don’t panic.

  1. My guess was that more young people are dying because us healthy, strong young bucks don’t tend to be immunised against any forms of flu because it’s seen as more of a threat to babies and the elderly. But then I could be full of shit.

  2. you could be right but don’t forget that having had the flu provides some kind of immunization to most strains as the body builds up a natural immunity. But i could also be horribly wrong. hence the disclaimer.

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