Sashay, Shonte!

(I am praying Thanksgiving gets turned into a real movie one day)

On Pitchfork (100th time);

Amy oh gosh. says: ”Most cringeworthy Pitchfork moment ever : Breihan calling Cam’Ron a “word-twisting surrealist amoral prince”

Ash /|\ says: *facepalm*

Ash /|\ says: not surprising though

Amy oh gosh. says: Cam’Ron. The dude who did ‘Hey Ma’

Amy oh gosh. says: ”Hey ma, what’s up, lets slide, all right, all right. And we gonna get it on tonight”

Ash /|\ says: XD

Amy oh gosh. says: their stoic determination to like every black musician is almost admirable

Amy oh gosh. says: it could be a Harvard Law Student screaming ‘fuck you honkey’ for 79 minutes and they’d still laud it as ‘the greatest thing since Basquiat picked up a brush’.

Amy oh gosh. says: wahey they gave the new phoenix song an 8

Ash /|\ says: havent heard it

Amy oh gosh. says: that’s because you and all the other sheeple just listen to whats handed down to you by corporate media.

Ash /|\ says: my tie is turned up to 11

On emo proclaimations;

Ash /|\ says: “I don’t actually like people. I’m a loner and if I had my way I’d just walk my dogs every day, never talk to anyone and then die.”

Amy oh gosh. says: who said that

Ash /|\  says: Tony Adams, ex-Arsenal centre back and ex-Portsmouth manager

Amy oh gosh. says: I love him

Ash /|\ says: I want it as my facebook status

Ash /|\ says: but I think it would attract suspicion

Amy oh gosh. says: that you’re actually a festering ball of resentment and god like hubris?

Ash /|\ says: exactly

On Vin Diesel;

Amy oh gosh. says: his eyes are incredibly close together

Amy oh gosh. says: i just noticed this

Amy oh gosh. says: he is basically a cyclops

Ash /|\ says: sexclops

Ash /|\ says: I want a new Riddick film so badly

Amy oh gosh. says:i think next is another disney movie where he barely conceals his feelings of self loathing and shame

(So, if your boyfriend isn’t paying you enough attention….just fuck someone else….Of course! It all makes sense now!)

On Terrible albums;

Amy oh gosh. says: are incubus cool? i have lost track of what anyone thinks of anything

Ash /|\ says: I think they’re pretty lame, but have a couple of decent songs.

Amy oh gosh. says: next you’ll try to tell me that hayden panettiere’s album was not a beautifully crafted musical masterpiece

Ash /|\ says: mozart masturbates to it in his grave

Amy oh gosh. says: Jay-Z tried to shoot himself when he first heard it. he knew he could never match its greatness

Ash /|\ says: rick rubin wanted to produce, but the record literally produced itself

Amy oh gosh says: aretha franklin is waiting in her bushes with a claw hammer

On The Wire;

Ash /|\  says: my dad said he needed subtitles to understand The Wire

Amy oh gosh. says: I wish to ask his hand in marriage

Amy oh gosh. says: i can do the subtitles for him

Amy oh gosh. says: ”that young man has just pointed out that his girlfriend had better buck up her ideas and stop using their pharmaceuticals or there will be none left to sell!”

On depressing emos;

Amy oh gosh. says:

Amy oh gosh. says: is there a single proud father on this page

Ash /|\ says: those are peoples sons 😦

Ash /|\ says: I’d almost certainly abandon my son if he looked like that

Amy oh gosh. says: you spend time with him for all those years

Ash /|\ says: raising him

Ash /|\ says: teaching him football in the garden

Ash /|\ says: going to the park

Ash /|\  says: and next thing you know, he is sobbing in the corner listening to Senses Fail

Amy oh gosh.says: wearing a hint of make-up and taking hundreds of pictures in the bathroom

Ash /|\ says: only drinking lite beer

Amy oh gosh.says: not drinking at all

Amy oh gosh. says: telling your mates he is not that into football anymore but he is experimenting with bisexuality just to open his mind a little

On a promising future;

Amy oh gosh. says: when i go on jeremy kyle; ‘which one of these 12 men is the father’ i’m going to have my six kids in tow

Amy oh gosh. says: and my best friend sha’ronda

Amy oh gosh. says: and i’m going to say ‘hold my baby!’ so i can fight with the cameraman

Amy oh gosh. says: will you watch it?

Ash /|\ says: I will record it and upload it to youtube


Amy oh gosh.says: true mates

On being helpful;

Ash /|\ says: finish this sentence

Ash /|\ says: I believe I would be perfect for a week’s placement at Q magazine because

Amy oh gosh. says: I couldn’t possibly swallow my disgust at your publication’s complete and utter lack of quality journalism and abundance of douchey ‘journos’ for more than 7 days

Amy oh gosh. says: I too enjoy no-foam, non-fat chai lattes and talking about my receding hairline

Amy oh gosh. says: I am BFF with Alan McGee and want to see if he was right

Ash /|\ says: I laughed.

On misunderstandings;

Ash /|\ says: they do look a bit alike though

Amy oh gosh. says: your dad and my kid look a bit alike

Ash /|\ says: my dad isn’t bald

Ash /|\ says: merked

Amy oh gosh. says: that doesn’t even make sense

Amy oh gosh. says: i was insinuating i had  intercourse with your dad resulting in an illegitimate child

Amy oh gosh. says: i think you were insinuating….you’re a cretin

On confusing slang;

Ash /|\  says: what does ‘peng’ mean

Amy oh gosh. says: fit

Ash /|\ says: I see

Amy oh gosh.says: why

Ash /|\ says: it came up in conversation yesterday with someone and I just laughed along as I didnt want to seem ignorant

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

2 thoughts on “Sashay, Shonte!

  1. Pingback: I’m A Believer « Its like, yeah motherfucker.

  2. Pingback: I Woz ‘Ere, TBH. « Its like, yeah motherfucker.

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