My music tastes are a double edged sword. An ex-aspiring music wanker, I used to spend a lot of my time, pouring over Discobelle and trawling Hypem in search of some super rare edit of a song that only five people had ever heard anyway. Five people, including the people who made it. My friends and I used to pass around MP3s like, ‘check out the remix of the remix of that Danger track I sent you! Kid Rolex is on this one!’ (Obsessing about anything is essentially, a loser’s pastime.) I once spent 3 weeks and a great deal of money trying to track down the first ATOC compilation ever made. I seriously considered starting a ‘discussion board’ for now defunct pop punk band ‘The Capes’ . Do you still sometimes feel bad that Disco D died? I do.
But I also loooove listening to what most people would generally agree is total crap, the soundtracks to basically any Disney movie ever, saccharine tween ballads and the kind of terrible 90s children’s pop that time has tried desperately to erase. Typing ‘Britney Spears’ into my iTunes yields 112 results and I do not have duplicates. I know all the words to ‘Potential Break-Up Song‘. I have THREE tracks off Paris Hilton’s album, all of which I listen to on a regular basis. It has been suggested that there is something wrong with me, like maybe a horse kicked me in the head when I was a baby and this was the end result. It has been suggested that I listen to ‘bullshit music’.
Here are some examples of the kind of ‘bullshit music’ that I positively adore despite all logical reasoning;
COME MY LADY COME COME MY LADY, YOU’RE MY BUTTERFLY/SUGAR/BAYBAY
When I was 12, my best friend at the time got really into watching Sailor Moon on Fox Kids and so I decided I was also really into Anime and Manga because I was retarded. For about 3 months, we ran around calling ourselves ‘otaku’ and ‘kawaii’ and watching really crappy shows like Oh! My Goddess. My love of this weird ass song is one of the only lasting reminders of that period, because I soon realised that Anime was pretty lame and so was my ‘best friend’, the first attention whore I ever had dealings with. Anyway, I eventually grew out of it and made new friends and she became ‘that one girl’ who wore t-shirts that said things like ‘YOU LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE I’M DIFFERENT I LAUGH AT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL THE SAME’ and spent most breaks ‘cutting herself’ with a protractor.
The Thong Song-Sisqo
Oh I’m sorry I forgot the title was ‘bullshit music’ not ‘the most awesome songs to have ever been bestowed upon the human race’.
He Said, She Said-Ashley Tisdale
Ashley Tisdale is pretty much known for A) playing Sharpay from High School Musical and B) being the only female artist on Hollywood Records, who isn’t also a massive whore. Seriously. Those girls may not be book smart, but I would bet huge sums of money that their collective skills in penile mastery are second to none. During sex, a motherfucker have to hold onto the sides to keep from falling in. Bitches carry knee pads in their purses.
Slam Dunk Da Funk-5ive
I had such a crush on Richie. You know, the diluted Hugh Grant type, with his ridiculous floppy haircut like a lesbian at Junior Prom. Yeah, basically anything by 5ive is some kind of amazing. Speaking of awesome boy bands, does anyone remember LFO? The ones who liked girls who wore Abercrombie and Fitch? That song still makes me so angry. Even as a child I knew that it was an awful piece of shit.
New Direction- S Club Juniors
Fuck off, ya’ll DUN know about S Club Juniors. You’re not a true 90s kid unless you were seethingly jealous of these assholes.
I refuse to believe I’m the only person who enjoys listening to crap once in a while (every day). Right?! Guyz?!