”I was looking at pornography okay! Is that what you guys wanna hear?!”

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ICE.

On beautiful memories;

Amy oh gosh. says: i will always think of you as my creepy friend

Ash /|\ says: want that on my gravestone

Amy oh gosh. says: RIP man, you’ll be making angels nervous and uncomfortable in the sky

NME or FHM?;

Amy oh gosh. says: at least nme knows it is shit, on some level

Amy oh gosh. says: like a ginger child

Ash /|\  says: XD

Ash /|\  says: FHM has tits

Ash /|\ says: NME has Beth Ditto

Amy oh gosh. says: tbf you could buy a copy of ‘Jugs Monthly’ or watch scrambled porn for tits

Ash /|\ says: yes but you’d rather not

Ash /|\ says: I’d imagine going to the counter with Jugs Monthly isn’t anyones finest hour

Amy oh gosh. says: you could do it with a casual insouciance

Amy oh gosh. says: rock up to the counter with your ray ban aviators on and go ‘alright chief? give us a pack of marlboro red too, yeah?’

Amy oh gosh. says: basically what buying fhm says is that you are so serious about your pornography that you need captions

Goddamnit I fucking hate Pitchfork Jesus Christ;

Ash /|\ says: ‘Hey Ma’ is in there

Amy oh gosh. says: breihan voted for it obv

Amy oh gosh. says: his black friend at Columbia used to play it while he was finishing his dissertation on the role of the female in corporate america

Amy oh gosh. says: which breihan took as ‘this really speaks to the ghetto’

Amy oh gosh. says: which then became ‘this really speaks to me’

Ash /|\  says: XD

Amy oh gosh.  says: same girl is in there isn’t it

Amy oh gosh. says: ”usher weaves an ironic tapestry, taking us on a lyrical journey through the pain and confusion of infidelity” or something

Ash /|\ says: not sure, I didnt see it

Amy oh gosh. says: also i prefer r kelly with no hair

Ash /|\ says: I prefer r kelly with no clothes

Amy oh gosh. says: XD

On Notorious B.I.G (Part 2);

Amy oh gosh. says: i realized something just awful during notorious

Amy oh gosh. says: and that is, women had sex with B.I.G

Amy oh gosh. says: he got married to a hottie

Amy oh gosh. says: and he had groupies

Amy oh gosh.  says: now, how fucked up does your relationship with your dad have to be?

On awesome roles;

Amy oh gosh. says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LboRuO3UMSI&feature=related best job EVER

Ash /|\ says: my bollocks that guy benched 150

Amy oh gosh. says: imagine having on your cv ‘played a molester on saved by the bell’

Ash /|\ says: and not even the original saved by the bell

Ash /|\ says: ‘the new class’

Amy oh gosh.  says: what an uptight bitch

Ash /|\ says: she should loosen up, WHORE

Amy oh gosh. says: he’s only trying to be friendly jesus christ

Ash /|\ says: slag just cant be throwing sexual harassment lawsuits up in this piece

Amy oh gosh. says: ”i didn’t TOUCH the bitch, she was all up in my junk and i was like, back up i heard you have diseases”

On genius in its rawest form;

Amy oh gosh. says: this is supposed to be a high class bureau de change

Ash /|\ says: not some two bit punch and judy show on the seafront at margate

Amy oh gosh. says: i want to be chris morris

Ash /|\ says: just imagine how respected chris morris is in the comedy field

Amy oh gosh. says: he must be a legend

Amy oh gosh. says: think about how many comedy writers he will have spawned in the next 10 years

Ash /|\ says: or in the last 10 years

Amy oh gosh. says: charlie brooker, chris morris, armando iannucci and the peep show dudes are like the best writers around today

Amy oh gosh. says: oh and ricky gervais and stephen merchant, obv

Ash /|\ says: me and you must be up there

Amy oh gosh. says: brb polishing Emmy.

On placid disagreement*;

Ash /|\ says: switched Pulp Fiction off half way through

Amy oh gosh. says: no way

Amy oh gosh. says: why?

Ash /|\ says: because it was shit

Amy oh gosh. says: man fuck you

Ash /|\ says: shit and boring and shit

Amy oh gosh. says: fuck you, fuck your shitty taste, just fuck you

Ash /|\ says: fuck you

Amy oh gosh. says: no fuck you

Ash /|\ says: just because I dont like your stupid ass film

Amy oh gosh. says: brick for brains motherfucker

Ash /|\ says: mouth breather

Amy oh gosh. says: sloping brow dullard

Amy oh gosh. says: p.s fuck you

Ash /|\ says: XD

On Chrrrriisss Haaaaanseeen;

Amy oh gosh. says: chris hansen is my johnson srs

Ash /|\ says: gay for hansen

Amy oh gosh. says: basically

Amy oh gosh. says: i love the way he reads out the screennames

Amy oh gosh. says: completely deadpan

Ash /|\ says: iwanttorapeuanally

Amy oh gosh. says: that was beautiful

Amy oh gosh. says: remember the dude who tried to get a ride home

Ash /|\ says: classic paedophilia

Amy oh gosh. says: lazy paedophilia

On To Catch A Predator;

Amy oh gosh. says: i can’t wait until you’re featured on ‘to catch a predator uk’

Amy oh gosh. says: just take a seat. take a seat over there

Ash /|\ says: ive got the transcript right here

Amy oh gosh. says: what are you doing here?

Amy oh gosh. says: i figure you will be ‘a runner’

Ash /|\  says: XD

Ash /|\ says: I’ll just accuse hansen of being a paedophile

Ash /|\ says: if they have hansen on the uk version

Ash /|\says: it might be jamie theakston or dean gaffney or someone

Amy oh gosh. says: if it was dean gaffney you could probably just say ‘come on, man’

Ash /|\ says: Ive told you before gaffney, not while im with my mates

(*Srsly how do you not like Pulp Fiction?!)

3 thoughts on “”I was looking at pornography okay! Is that what you guys wanna hear?!”

  1. To Catch A Predator is the best reality show of the decade. Shit, possibly ever.

    I agree that Pulp Fiction is somewhat overrated. It doesn’t have anywhere near the replay value of Reservoir Dogs or Jackie Brown, it’s become horribly played out to almost Scarface-like levels and, worst of all, it was the main inspiration for Guy Ritchie’s entire vapid career.

    There’s an infamous story Biggie groupie which i was disappointed didn’t make Notorious : DJ Premier walked into D&D studios only to find Biggie sitting stark naked on a couch eating from a bucket of chicken as 2 groupies pleasured him. Presumebly, the 2nd groupie was employed to hold his belly folds up so the 1st groupie could find his cock ‘n’ balls.

    • Argh! That’s grotesque and amazing. Its gramazing. How does one sexily hold up someone else’s corpulence?

      There’s no one reason to hate Guy Ritchie. Pulp Fiction is still entertaining.

  2. Stumbled on your bloggy thing and felt I had to comment.
    The NME is full of self-agrandising “wouldn’t be amazing to be in the 90s again cos we were cool then” bullshit. At least FHM is honest about the fact that it’s essentially softcore porn.
    Essentially: NME is for wankers. FHM is for those who like to wank.

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